you can't always get what you want: lifetime movies and a recipe gone wrong

the mid-twentieth century philosopher mick jagger once said, "you can't always get what you want. but if you try sometimes, you might find get what you need."


well, philosopher mick, sometimes, even if you try, you just end up with inedible butternut squash salad. after last week's lucky break with the thai lime pumpkin soup, a streak of fearlessness, nay, perhaps even reckless abandon, ran through the veins of television dinner. we could do anything! ingredients be damned! we got this! 


then two things happened. 


       1. the xbox at b's house got hacked and was out of commission. 


       2. we went crazy with the ginger. 


and what resulted from the deadly combination of a tv out of commission and a ginger explosion (ps apparently blowing up gingerbread houses is a thing on youtube): 


raw butternut squash salad of sadness and "william and kate", the lifetime movie.

THE DINNER

we intended do make some kind of yam dish but after the b-nutt, we kind of gave up. we also skipped the beer and went straight to liquor. so it goes.

the eats:

• new york times' raw butternut squash salad with raisins and ginger
• lil c's mom's chicken noodle soup*
• boursin and baguette

*this came later


beverage of choice: pomegranate dark and stormies. 

*this was actually quite successful. 2 parts ginger beer (i like the dg jamaican brand) to 1 part gosling's dark rum. splash of pomegranate juice to taste. 

how to: 

ingredients
1 butternut squash (about 1 1/2 pounds), peeled, seeded and grated
1/2 cup raisins
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 to 2 tablespoons sherry vinegar, or to taste
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
Salt and freshly ground black pepper.


directions:
Combine the squash, raisins, oil, vinegar and ginger in a salad bowl; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss, then taste and adjust the seasoning. Serve immediately, or cover and refrigerate for up to several hours. Yield: 4 servings.

the result: 

blinded by the ginger. 

when it comes to cooking, sometimes it's best to follow directions. we felt so cocky that after tasting the squash salad that we assembled and deciding it was rather bland, we grated probably double to triple the amount of fresh ginger that was already in there into the salad. 


this was a mistake. when we took a bite of what looked like a giant pile of cheddar cheese, we tried to smile through the pain. "nah, this is totally awesome!" but as we kept chewing, our plastered on grins cracked. we totally fucked this one up. 


to be fair to us, i think there's something a bit off with this recipe to begin with. i'm not sure one should eat butternut squash in its raw form. it's earthy but also wet. you're expecting melon. or cheddar cheese. maybe even carrots. but that is totally not what you get. 


luckily, lil c came over with enough of her mother's famous life-giving chicken noodle soup to help us get over our disappointment. 

don't pay attention to the orange cheese-looking thing in the background

caitlin's grandma's epic chicken soup:

apparently, she just used to make it out of whatever she could find around the house. baller!

ingredients
1 box chicken broth (32 oz)
1 boneless chicken breast
1 or 2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 parsnip, sliced (if you're into that)
3 or 4 carrots, sliced
1 potato, cubed small
1 medium onion, chopped
3 stalks celery (with leaves!)
1 tbsp (ish) salt - we use the kosher or sea variety
+ whatever other veggies or sprinkles of seasoning that you want!!

how to:
put it all in a pot, cook slowly for about 1 1/2 hours (or however long you have, this soup is pretty low-maintenance), pull chicken apart with a fork. enjoy!! 


when all else fails, mom's chicken soup really does make it all better.

THE TELEVISION

feeling sad about our culinary fail, we were hoping to sustain ourselves with quality television. and even though b's xbox had recently been hacked and thus was out of commission d, b, and lil c figured that between on demand and regular ol' tv, we would be able to find something awesome to watch. 


and yet... the television was a barren wasteland. we tried trashy reality tv for the mocking factor )big easy brides might be the worst show i have ever seen); we tried watching abc's revenge, but episode 1 was already unavailable. 


and then, fueled by booze and disappointment, we landed on the train wreck of a lifetime tv movie, william and kate. 

let me tell you, as a watcher of many, many lifetime movies over the years (holler at me, from homeless to harvard!), i can tolerate a lot. this, however, was a train wreck of epic proportions. it was like an hour-and-a-half long dramatization. not acting, just the semblance   of maybe reading lines. 


and to commemorate this historic film event, television dinner brings you... 

a screenshot recap of lifetime's "william and kate" movie

'nuff said there. seriously. you've seen enough. don't watch it. 

[confession: it did make us feel better].

i can't wait to get my hands on the jk rowling lifetime movie that recently aired. i hear harry potter himself is a character in it. check, please!this week's life lesson: when in doubt, go with mom's chicken soup and lifetime movies. 


and booze. lots and lots of booze.